Healing from Codependency by Embracing the Unknown
What does security mean to you?
For most of us, the answer was written long before we could question it: Get married. Have children. Go to college. Build skills. Work for someone else. Be good. Don't cause trouble. Check all the societal boxes, play the game the right way, and prosperity will follow.
We're taught that safety comes from these attachments—to relationships, to roles, to being needed. And when you believe your safety depends on keeping those attachments intact at all costs, you stop asking what YOU need. You start asking: what do THEY need from me? We learn to center our lives around others' moods and needs. We hand over our power. We live in fear of abandonment, which leads us, inevitably, to abandon ourselves.
This is how codependency takes root: we lose sight of who we are, our sense of identity dissolving into attachments outside of ourselves. We become dependent on external validation, on being chosen, on not being left behind.
The Personal Cost
For years, I lived this way. I used relationships and addiction to soothe chronic anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem. I centered my life around others, meeting their needs, people-pleasing, seeking validation from anywhere but within. I knew the mission: be married, check the boxes. That was all I knew.
But one of the hallmarks of codependency is a constant, gnawing fear of being abandoned. And when abandonment finally comes or when you finally choose to leave what's harming you—you face a terror that lives deep in your nervous system.
You face the darkness of the unknown. The question: Am I enough on my own?
Picture it: the emptiness of being alone. Left with the one person you've been cut off from, the one you've been running from your entire life…yourself. Finally, you're faced with her in this empty, dark, and terrifying space.
We fear darkness as the absence of light. We imagine it as impossible to navigate, undefeatable, inescapable.
But what if emptiness isn't absence at all? What if it's possibility—space for you to discover great things, to become reacquainted with yourself? What if it's where you return home?
What comes to mind when you think of entering a cave? Letting go of old ideas. Control. Releasing your fantasies of who you thought you had to be. It's a journey of ego death—the belly of the beast, being devoured by our fears. The death of status, of the carefully constructed self. Dying makes space for something else to be born.
Entering the Cave
When my biggest fear came, when I had to face my own cave of abandonment—my body went into panic. My heart raced. My breath shortened. It felt like I was battling myself from the inside out.
But I kept moving. I kept feeling it.
The deeper I entered the cave, the more I found my footing. I started to gain sight within the darkness. At first, I could only see immediately in front of me. But that was enough. I took one step, then another. Moving slowly, but moving.
I began to notice things I couldn't see in the panic: the cool, smooth cave walls that soothed my hands. Ancient sounds echoing through stone. A magical, majestic energy floating through the darkness. With each step forward, I could see a bit further. More possibilities emerged.
Years ago, I visited an actual cave with my young daughter during our travels. Standing at the entrance, I asked her, "Are you ready to go inside and explore this cave?"
She looked up at me, eyes bright, and said: "Yeah! I want to go into the cave of wonder."
The cave of wonder.
In that moment, I understood. The physical act of walking into that dark cave mirrored the journey I was already on. The unknown wasn't just terrifying—it was where the magic lived. It was where I would find the clarity, safety, and power I didn't know existed within me.
What Healing Asks of You
Healing from codependency is a lifelong journey. Like any deeply ingrained pattern, it isn't linear. It's complex, messy, and it requires fierce compassion for yourself.
Unlearning what you've been conditioned to believe takes time. You'll be humbled again and again as you learn new ways of being. You'll start to recognize that many of the voices in your head aren't actually yours—they don't reflect your truth.
You learn to regulate your own emotions instead of managing everyone else's. You learn to self-soothe instead of seeking comfort from people who can't give it. You build trust in your own needs, your intuition, your right to have boundaries.
Some days, sovereignty looks like saying no without explaining yourself. Other days, it's choosing your own company over uncomfortable connection. It's feeling your feelings fully instead of numbing them. It's asking for what you need and believing you deserve to receive it.
Slowly, slowly, you begin to feel pleasure again. Love again. Wonder again.
You truly begin to understand: you were the one you've been waiting for all along.
Moving Toward the Light
As I continued through my metaphorical cave, through the grief, the unlearning, the rebuilding—I began to notice light in the distance. I kept moving toward it.
The closer I got, the more I felt: hope. Vitality. Movement. Expansion.
I realized what I'd always been searching for outside myself had been within me the entire time. What I first believed was my cave of abandonment, the thing I was doomed to carry, burdened with forever was actually my cave of wonder.
What Becomes Possible
On the other side of healing from codependency, you begin to call yourself back. You practice self-determination—making choices based on your values rather than others' expectations. You reclaim your sovereignty—your right to take up space, to rest, to say yes and no with your whole body.
You learn to co-create with Source, with the universe, with your ancestors. You reclaim your soul's path—the one that connects you to all things, to all creation, to the divine that has always lived within you.
The unknown is not something to fear. It's full of wonder, vibration, adventure, possibility. It's where you discover the power that has always been yours.
Your Invitation
May you be brave enough to seek your own cave of wonder. May you trust that you can find your footing in the darkness. May you discover that what you've been searching for has been within you all along.
You too can venture into the unknown. You too can return home to yourself.
The cave is waiting. And so is your wonder.
Ready to Explore Your Cave of Wonder?
If you're ready to begin your journey of healing from codependency and reclaiming your sovereignty, I offer support through:
1:1 Prosperity Guidance - Personalized guidance as you navigate your own cave of wonder and return home to yourself.
Prosperity Clarity Session - A single session to gain clarity on your path forward and what becomes possible when you center yourself.
"Who Are You?" 6-Week Group Program - Beginning January 21st, 2026. Journey with others who are also seeking their cave of wonder.
About the Author:
Joy is a prosperity guide, ecotherapist, and healing artist with 15+ years of experience. She founded Whole with Joy to support anyone seeking inner transformation through identity work, attachment healing, and embodied transformation. Joy integrates earth-based healing and indigenous healing practices into her work, centering intergenerational healing, personal and collective liberation.